That weird moment when despite all your previous pain and sadness from losing all those people in life you cared about, bizzarrely you suddenly just find yourself thinking you wouldn’t have it any other way, and that you are still glad you met these people so they are in your memory bank of people even though they are not physically in your life today anymore. And I find myself today to slowly smile warmly at these thoughts. It’s strange because you usually focus on your pain, your pain of being alone, and that is still there. But now I picture all those people I’ve met in life in my mind who were important to me in some way and see them all smiling, and I smile.
Fear of loss suddenly dissolves and all that is left is golden shining sunlight.
Never give up, sometimes you need to take a break to recover like a wounded warrior. It doesn’t matter how long you take to recover. Don’t feel bad that you are not working as well during your time of rest. Don’t worry how slow your progress is, as long as you never give up and keep going. I always make myself feel bad or beat myself up during times when I am not so productive, not doing anything at all and/or not doing what I would like to be doing at this moment, but at that moment in time I think of my metaphor of myself as the wounded warrior taking a lie down to recover from bleeding wounds for awhile and remember it is necessary to regain strength. Sometimes they will be minor wounds so you only need to zone out from activity for awhile. Sometimes they will be great gaping bleeding wounds where you need longer. I’ve learned NOT to make myself feel bad about this. As long as you make sure you DO get up to fight again once more!
I have realised now there is a pattern and that I need to take a lot of recovery time, it is interspersed, like a pattern. Get up to fight for awhile, achieve things, feel happy at progress, then take some blows and need to not do stuff for awhile before I can leap back up to fight again. Think of it like a graph, up then down, up then down, up then down, like a wiggly line.
You are allowed to take recovery time, but you are never allowed to give up for good!!!
Remember this. This imagery I came up with in my mind has certainly helped me.
Maybe it can help you too?
– Rachel ❤
Painting I’ve been working on recently in the studio at university. Based on an old photograph. Pen y Fan in Wales It is a memory that now only exists in my mind and in this photograph. He was very important to me and losing the people you love is one of the most painful things in this life. I wanted to try and capture some of these feelings in a painting. I’m sure a lot of people have that one photograph they look at now and again of someone they used to know who they don’t get to see or speak to anymore. I thought it would make for a good art subject.
Shy swan friend
Mr Pigeon walked right up to me to see me on the rail on the bridge.
A sweet old man was at the bridge in the park today and he fed the birds nuts (they looked a bit like almonds) by hand from a little jar.
I love these white pigeons, they are so pretty.
A day in the park, spending some time with the birds and taking lots of photographs.
Went to Roath Park today, took a lot of photographs and here is a photograph that I really like that I took of the surface of some water.